The storms of April

 I wish there was an already written document/web-page on how all this feels, but I could not find any. I won't say I tried hard, because I did not. And, hence I am here, trying to express it, though probably I would have felt more comfortable in writing this with a pen and a paper.

You know how April in many cultures mark the beginning of the new year. It brings rain in many places. However, it is the first time that April reminds me that it is not easy to bring any change. All change is violent. It storms in literally, winds gushing in and rain drops pouring like cats and dogs. Similarly, life changes, the ever present storms intensify, there is sorrow and it matches with the vibe of the sky. I keep wondering as the child who felt that the clouds transfer my voice to someone who is mine. 

Is it only so normal to be this person? The person who seems fine but is mostly just trying to get by. The person who doesn't know anything much, and cannot decide anything. The person who would like to not exist for a few days, because she is so afraid of everything?

I don' feel good, but I know I shall get used to it, perhaps someday. It hurts to not be alone for a time being, when you are constantly lonely. Will there be a better curve?

-RrP

04-04-2023