Threshold?
Umm.. Did you feel that you are at a point blank ...
..where you don't know or even have the slightest idea how things are going to turn out in future?
Well, life seems so now. I don't fuckin know where I am heading.
Disappointments. Everywhere.
Am I scared?
YES.
Having no idea is something new. Though talked often it still is not "my" area. I lack the courage to face situations as they come, maybe because I fear Disappointments.
I am one of those few whose parents cooperate and don't pressurize. Maybe that what makes me more fearful of making them disheartened. They won't say it but I know they might be. I mean, who won't be?
I know I didn't try with full dedication. I am aware I had lost a track of everything I used to be or I had. It seems I have ended up cheating myself- entering a dark, endless cave .. I have faith that there is light across it.. there is an opening.. or maybe, there are many openings...but, I don't know when will I reach to them and sometimes, especially at times like this, the question becomes WILL I REACH?
I know I sound like a lazy pessimist. Maybe, that's what I have become lately. (I don't think I was so since birth). And maybe, this is the thrashing I deserved.
They say, even God could not create two high mountain without a valley between them. So is this my valley? Will I rise from here? From now will my journey be upwards?
Well, to tell the truth it seems like a vast abyss filled with tiredness and fatigue wherein I am searching for some meaning, any meaning of my existence. "What is that I want to do?" is a question that is haunting me. *Sigh*
I don't know why my heart still not accepts defeat. I feel its still optimistic that we will work out our future together. Well, my heart is mysterious. I don't get it most of the times.
I still doubt why I am saying this but "I am still hopeful." Maybe, because where there is life, there is hope. While my mind shouts *What if I end up nowhere?*
Meanwhile, *Shameless me* has planned a lunch with a friend this Sunday.
Keeping these thoughts aside, I think I should get some life. *Ah! I don't know what it means!*
*rumblings ..sigh*
_do something meaningful R..*Go now* says my consciousness.
"Okey.."Itrytoabide.
_Rashmi
23-06-2017
..where you don't know or even have the slightest idea how things are going to turn out in future?
Well, life seems so now. I don't fuckin know where I am heading.
Disappointments. Everywhere.
Am I scared?
YES.
Having no idea is something new. Though talked often it still is not "my" area. I lack the courage to face situations as they come, maybe because I fear Disappointments.
I am one of those few whose parents cooperate and don't pressurize. Maybe that what makes me more fearful of making them disheartened. They won't say it but I know they might be. I mean, who won't be?
I know I didn't try with full dedication. I am aware I had lost a track of everything I used to be or I had. It seems I have ended up cheating myself- entering a dark, endless cave .. I have faith that there is light across it.. there is an opening.. or maybe, there are many openings...but, I don't know when will I reach to them and sometimes, especially at times like this, the question becomes WILL I REACH?
I know I sound like a lazy pessimist. Maybe, that's what I have become lately. (I don't think I was so since birth). And maybe, this is the thrashing I deserved.
They say, even God could not create two high mountain without a valley between them. So is this my valley? Will I rise from here? From now will my journey be upwards?
Well, to tell the truth it seems like a vast abyss filled with tiredness and fatigue wherein I am searching for some meaning, any meaning of my existence. "What is that I want to do?" is a question that is haunting me. *Sigh*
I don't know why my heart still not accepts defeat. I feel its still optimistic that we will work out our future together. Well, my heart is mysterious. I don't get it most of the times.
I still doubt why I am saying this but "I am still hopeful." Maybe, because where there is life, there is hope. While my mind shouts *What if I end up nowhere?*
Meanwhile, *Shameless me* has planned a lunch with a friend this Sunday.
Keeping these thoughts aside, I think I should get some life. *Ah! I don't know what it means!*
*rumblings ..sigh*
_do something meaningful R..*Go now* says my consciousness.
"Okey.."Itrytoabide.
_Rashmi
23-06-2017
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