Soon may the Wellerman come

 20th May 2021. 

I know I am not alone when I say I am tired or ask when will this be over.. Each of us our here have our own battles, that don't even look like battles anymore. I mean, does lying down and staring at your phone all day senselessly scream anything? Nah. Just being lazy and unproductive maybe. But,  as much as you would want to, but unable to and at times unwilling to.. sounds like a mental block. 

So much as happened, that the only way to describe it as a dear friend puts it, "what meaning does it hold anymore!" And indeed, it's all deep sighs, anxiety and mindless existence. I want to be hopeful, and still waiting for the wellerman, this time to bring hope, not biscuits & rum. 

Among the things to carry and keep on the less used side of the bed, suddenly there are sachets of ORS, an oxymeter, a journal and ink pens, a laptop and earphones and a packet of hide&seek. Who is hiding and what are we seeking?

There is an N95 with cotton mask just on the door handle so that it isn't forgotten. And bottles of sanitisers to keep us safe. We are all coming across so much of medical terms, that atleast I never signed up for. And obviously, this pandemic is not the only issue we had with ourselves anyway. But, it has made the pre pandemic stages so glorified that even those seem normal and something to hope for. 

Me and another friend keep telling ourselves how we aren't gonna be beyond 40, atleast not sanely so. No, we aren't depressed (okay maybe a bit) but that sadness perhaps is manifested in each of us. Having seen our loved ones go through times so painful takes away something. Maybe it will give us something too.  . I don't know.  I told you, I am out here trying, hoping and being. Maybe, you are the same wherever you are &as u scroll past this in neck deep anxiety. Maybe, we will hold on, and maybe we will believe that this too shall pass. This is also to thank you for the immense support and care that has been offered, though it is known how hard it is to share that tad bit of mental space & energy you have left.

Hope might come, laden on, like flowers and fruits .. If you will tell me so, I might perhaps wait. And I know you will too!

With love, take care!

R.